Parties, birthdays, etc

With a burn out it is really careful to have a party at home. People come to you and expect you to receive them and to be glad they are there. The latter may well be the case, but your lack of energy means that this is not yet possible either. 

Organizing, shopping, putting the house aside and then receiving and talking: those are far too many incentives. You also can’t leave, once those people are there and you can’t take it anymore. So that’s not working yet. Not to take home, but certainly not to go to.

The social pressure can be quite great. To come or to organize something. And then you must be honest and indicate that you cannot live up to expectations. Perhaps you can think of what is possible. If you are lucky you can send your partner or children. Then someone has been there and that is often what matters. But going yourself….be careful with that.

There are also obligations that are harder to get around. Weddings and funerals. Then you must agree very well with your environment what is feasible for YOU.

Own experience

I cancelled most birthdays and parties. I couldn’t bear that. Often my wife or children would go and that was enough. Celebrating Sinterklaas or Christmas with grandparents was also different. Normally we went to them, but they came to us for 1 hour. That was fine. Everyone happy.

Of course, I couldn’t miss my grandmother’s funeral. There I clearly indicated what was feasible. My wife did the car ride. I skipped the coffee table and the chat. That also worked well.

Later in the year I had a family weekend. I couldn’t avoid that either. I had to clearly set my boundaries. I regularly retreated to our room or went for a walk on my own. I tried to limit the stimuli and used the meditation apps to stay calm.

What’s Positive?

Many parties/birthdays have an obligatory character. Stopping this can be a huge relief. If you go anyway and clearly indicate what is feasible, then that understanding can develop in others. It will then become clear to you where the limit is.

If people can’t understand, that’s fine to. Then you know that you should put less energy into these people.

Tips

1.   Make clear to those around you what you can and cannot do.

2.   Remember that people always have an opinion. You don’t have to do anything with this.

3.   If you do want to organize something, keep it small.

4.   Remember that most parties are repeated annually. So, if you can’t do it now, you might be able to do it next year.

5.   You can also visit outside the party. Just popping in for a cup of coffee might be just as nice.

6.   Sometimes sending a card or a gift in the mail can also be good.

Don’t give up!!

The moment you have some energy again, you will notice that this is possible again. What does remain with you is the question: does it give me energy or not. Thinking about this carefully will ultimately pay off.

Some parties you no longer attend, some people no longer invite you, for some people a card is enough, you name it.

You will see which people you think are worth going to the party or bringing into their home. You get slightly different parties with people who are closer to yourself. 

I think that’s the point to!!